You Can't Take Them with You

Some of you may already know that I'll be traveling to Austria for ten days starting on Friday. I will be able to write posts while abroad, but of course if I do find the time to watch a film, my options will be limited to what I can fit on my PSP.

So I'm making this a democratic process, I'm less interested in picking the movies to take with me to Austria myself, and more interested to see what suggestions people with come up with. If you had to leave somewhere and could only take five movies with you, what would they be? Be creative! There's the obvious route of choosing your favorite movies, but I'd really like to see some themes here, whether it be traveling, movies related to Austria, or movies about the type of global issues that I might be discussing at the Salzburg Global Seminar.

So let's assume I can take five movies with me, and write the list as a comment! I read them all, and no suggestion will be glossed over, I promise!

Perhaps I will offer a special yet-to-be-decided prize (maybe a bronze Austrian owl statuette?) to each person who I take a movie suggestion from!

Before the Devil Knows Your Dead

Sidney Lumet is a living legend. He has made some great films and my favorite will always be Prince of the City. Dog Day Afternoon is a close second. His latest film, Before the Devil Knows Your Dead is another soon to be classic. Lumet knows how to get a great performance out of every actor he works with. He was a theatre director and he brings that aspect to each and every film he directs. The film's plot has been done before but the way Lumet presents it brings something new to the concept. Two brothers try to rob their parents jewerly store, but are confronted with too many problems. Ethan Hawke gives a tour de force performance as Hank the nervous brother. This may be Ethan Hawke's best performance on screen. Philip Seymour Hoffman is incapable of giving a bad performance I believe. The plot is told from the seperate perspective of each character. It puts you in the mind set of these characters which also includes Charlie, (Albert Finney) their father. The film is set in New York, which Lumet loves to use and I personally love to see New York on film. The characters are so realistic that you feel their pain. This reminded me why I love films. It reminded me of the gritty films of the 70's which were character driven. And finally it reminded me why I hope to be a filmmaker someday. On April 15th make sure to see this film when it is released on DVD.

Waitress (2007) and Genre

A friend of mine asked me if I have any romantic comedies in my collection, and I immediately said no. But I realized once I reconsidered my definition of the genre that I have a handful.

"Romantic Comedy" like most genres, is one that links movies only by their most superficial and conventional qualities. If you really believe in the power of genres, you're watching the wrong movies. Genre is the work of marketing. In fact, here on Cereal and a Movie, you will rarely ever see me come up with conventional genre lists of movies. Like a true and totally unlicensed film snob, I say such a thing would be a waste of time. Yes, I focus on the important things like, say, movies where people actually say "Bye" before hanging up a phone. Even one minuscule detail has more meaning than a crock-genre like "Action." How many movies have a lot of action? Maybe a movie is "action" if we went to the movie just for the explosions? But wait, Casino had a good explosion in it...

Waitress (2007)
This movie has romantic sub-plots, but like many of my favorite movies its just another canvas to tell a story of people. Overall, it has a skeptical view of romantic love. It has also been called a feminist movie, but like reality, this movie isn't so cut-and-dry. For instance, the main character Jenna has two destructive relationships with men, and an unscrupulous viewer would assume this movie is pessimistic about men. Yet a male character ultimately helps Jenna in the end. My favorite part of this movie is that there is a lot of old stuff in it, the time period is ambiguous. It is only confirmed as present day by one character who has the only new car in the movie and the technology in his office. In fact, no one in the movie uses a cell phone either, instead tethered by those old-timey land lines.

Charlton Heston, 1924-2008

Charleton Heston, 1924-2008

This comes at odd timing considering I started on my Charlton Heston kick very recently. So to sum up my Heston experience, he wore silly hats, and still kicked ass. If anyone has anything to add about his more celebrated films that I still haven't seen yet, feel free.

Here some more words from our friend at Film For the Soul:

Ibetolis said:

Two films sum the man up for me.

There's the pure unadulterated joy of 'The Planet of the Apes', which as a kid, I couldn't get enough of and even now I watch it whenever it's on the telly.

Then there's the sheer brilliance which is Orson Welles 'Touch of Evil. Heston is flawless in the sense that he is flawed as an actor but some how makes you care and believe in him and his characters.

Heston was the American man's man and they don't make them like him anymore. R.I.P Heston, thanks for the memories.

Movies that made me BLIND

Continuing my list-making obsession, let us celebrate...

Yellow submarine

The trippy seizure-inducing animation sequences may not have deterred hippies. In fact some might argue that the only right way to see the movie is through a haze of bong smoke. (Josh, remember my theory about the Wanee festival poster?) Anyway, us younguns are a little more "square", yet hip to the reports of kids getting seizures from similar effects in Japanese anime. Awareness! Kind of a buzzkill.

13 Ghosts

Ok, this one tops my list, I have yet to encounter a recommendation to best it. Being a cliche horror movie, most of this movie is dark and cool colored, emphasis on the dark. Additionally I actually saw this bomb in the theater. The trouble is groups of three or so pure white frames have been laced into this trashy movie, representing lighting strike style flashes, forcing your pupils to contract and expand until they explode. Roger Ebert said in his review of this film, "The experience of watching this film is literally painful...flash frames attack the eyeballs..."

Armageddon

The average cut in this movie is 1.3 seconds. Which means if you take out the sappy scenes where we actually wish the cuts were shorter, what we have left is a mashing together of action filled cuts, all competing for a precious one half to one full second of your time, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing! What this means for your eyes, is that they were surely dry out and get exhausted trying to keep up with blitz of visual information.

Monty Python and The Holy Grail

As much as I love this movie, and the opening credits, those responsible for the yellow and red flashing colors, should be sacked. And if they aren't, then those responsible for sacking those responsible will also be sacked.

The blinding contrast between yellow and red hides a dirty little secret.

Conspiracy Theory

The interrogation scene of this movie was a little much to look at, not to mention creepy. At least here, the flashing dark and light frames are unevenly spaced giving an organic effect similar to when a subway goes over a weak spot on the rail and the lights flicker. As for Patrick Stewart inter-cut with a cartoon dog...like I said, creepy.

Soylent Green

Charlton Heston's police uniform, and no it's not the fashion police just the regular police. The cop from the Village People was TOTALLY jealous. Keep in mind, the environment in Soylent green is constantly hot, so he is really dedicated to that scarf.

Since watching the Omega Man, I had been thinking about this movie, so I figured I might as well make a Charlton Heston comparison out of Omega Man in addition to my I am Legend Triple feature. I had never even seen a single frame of this movie, yet I knew the notorious ending because people insisted on saying the last line that gives it away.

This movie has the most currently relevant plot setup that I've seen for any movie that made before the last five years. The planet is overpopulated and heating up, they no longer have winters, most people are eating insta-junk made by the people at Soylent (get it?) instead of real food, which is now a rare luxury, and water is pumped out of the ground by hand. Buildings are guarded with heavy weapons. Video games serve as the latest and greatest distraction from it all. So people are destroying the environment and eating fast food, subsidized by the government? Yep, sounds about right. Not to mention every time I'm in Chinatown, Times Square, or a crowded 6 train, I'll think of this movie.

At least here in New York, the movie isn't exaggerating much from reality by having visible machine guns everywhere.

Everything in this movie is filthy. The color pallet offers a mix of drab green and brown so bland and ugly that is evocative of something left in the fridge...since the Reagan administration. This of course leads you up to the great colors we see Sol Roth experience during euthanasia.

This is what the majority of the movie looks like in terms of color (actual frame blurred for effect). Reminds me of my old hometown of Dirtwater.

I have a theory that every political poster in a sci-fi will be for re-election. It's presumptuous, but I like to think that Santini has been elected continuously with no term limitations.

I feel like this movie is underrated, possibly because there have been so many great dystopian flicks. But this one is one is worthwhile and memorable to me. There are a couple sequences that are really well done. Particularly the opening sequence of industry taking over the world, and the euthanasia sequence. And of course that damned famous line that gives the ending away.

Disaster Movies: Hollywood's Bread and Butter

It's next to impossible to avoid a conversation about the latest consumer obsessions, rejections, and misconceptions. How many times have you talked about i-pods, reality TV, and drugged up starlets? Of these, how many conversations were concerned with being screwed over by this person or that company? Now ask yourself how many (civil) conversations you have had about Darfur, Iraq, Sudan, Iran, North Korea, ET AL? Unless you have lucked out and have a few people able to deal with these heady topics then I know your answer.
Which is to say, we are a culture avoiding the issues so that we can remain sane enough to continue with our comfortable life-styles. Escapist America doesn't stop at the silver screen or prime time viewing. Its on the streets around the corner in your office and singing you to sleep. This is a 24 hour gossip nation and how could it be any other way? Mindless entertainment, though a strain for high-minded movie watchers, serves a clear and honest purpose.

We call it the film industry for a reason. This isn't an excuse but it surely is a reason why we have movies like Plan 9, Ishtar, North, and I Know Who Killed Me.

These being commercial and critical flops doesn't explain more successful crap fests like Saw or Alien vs. Predator. These are dumb ass movies but audiences keep coming back for more. Why?
I'm not immune, I've simply rationalized that my sources of entertainment are of a more intellectual fare than say, The Amazing So You Think You Want to be an American Dance Idol Race (hosted by Donald Trump). I'd rather watch Space Opera 47 or Edgy Cartoon Comedy Drama because they are relevant and well written.

Hypocrisy aside, this is the truth. Our need for escapism, if not an important one, is at least an old one. America is in a dark place these days. Ignorance is rampant. Its gloom and doom on the streets. Babies and puppies are exploding. "Mass hysteria!" If brainy nerds had the time to think about something other than paying the bill, saving up for the next hot video game, and tearing into tanking Sci-Fi franchises we'd have a civil war on our hands. There is nothing more horrifying than an angry nerd. Except maybe the prospect of a mob of angry nerds is more reason for concern.

I'm not here to offer answers. The thing to do is learn to appreciate the question for what it is. Proof that someone is home to ask "why do they keep making shit movies?"

I can't help but wonder what would happen tomorrow if suddenly your Internet connection stopped working forever. What would you do to pass the time if TV wasn't an option? And if you're able to keep cool during a media blackout what of your neighbor? If entertainment is the bulwark holding back the furor what then would you do?

Troma!

Llyod Kaufman and his partners have created some truly lousy movies during their years and some really cool flicks. One has to admire the fact the Indy company has stayed in business for so many years and have been breaking the rules. I hope someday to work with them. In the meantime I thought I would make a top 5 list for people who haven't seen too many Troma films. Some of their films stink, some are great and others are so bad they are entertaining, but these 5 films are safe bets for most film buffs who enjoy a silly movie every once in awhile.

5. Class of Nuke'em High: Bad weed from a nuclear power plant leads Chrissy and Warren down a dangerous path. Chrissy throws up a mutant monster. Warren tries to clean up the school. If your strange this is loads of fun.

4. Tromeo and Juliet: This is Troma's take on the classic Shakesphere story and they added a penis monster, Body Piercing, Kinky Sex, Dismemberment, and Lemmy from Motorhead.

3. Def by Temptation: Actually one of the first serious black horror films. Well made and really doesn't seem like a Troma film. It stars Kadeem Hardison from a "Diffrent World" in a really funny performance. Also Bill Nunn is extremely funny as a Vampire Hunter.

2. The Toxic Avenger: The film that started it all for Troma. Melvin the Mop Boy falls into Toxic Waste and becomes the first Superhero from New Jersey.


1. Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D: A New York cop eats some worms and turns Japanese. This movie is so crazy its great.

Honorable Mention: Combat Shock: If you like Mutant Babies, sour milk, and Junkies this is the film for you.

Shreaded Wheat and Fine Cinema

Since I was very small I've been having an on/off love affair with shredded wheat. Much to the dismay of my family and friends. It turns out, in shear tonnage consumed, most of Nabisco's revenue came straight from my too-eager-to-please Amuelita (may she rest in peace).

Cold milk, warm, it didn't matter. There is something about texture that appeals to me on a level beyond pedestrian taste buds clawing for simple sugars. Interpreting the subtleties and intricacies of plain wheat is a test of endurance and imagination. It's all about what you, the chewer, can bring to the shredded wheat experience. A good challenge for any palette.

Don't get me wrong, I've got shallower tastes as well. I love colorful marshmallows and chocotastic bits of carbohydrates swirling about in my discolored milk. The chaotic swirls and explosive clouds of food coloring, boy howdy, it's a visual feast. Fun for the whole family.

So call me pretentious, call me elitist but I have found a world of joy where others see a dreary wasteland. This is pure zen from a bowl of wheat.

The Last Man on Earth, The Omega Man, I am Legend - Triple Feature!

That's right folks, triple feature. These movies aren't exactly masterpieces, but boy did I have fun with this bunch.

The Last Man on Earth (1964)

Fig 1: The first Neville chooses to steal a Ford wagon over a sports car, the other Nevilles cannot resist the temptation of the Ford Mustang.

The vampires taunt him, "MOR-gan…we’re going to kill you MOR-gan…" I wonder if the extras who played vampires decided on this awkward enunciation, sort of like Kramer and George practicing "these PRETZELS are MAKING me thirsty!" on Seinfeld.

This movie looked so bad, that it easily could have been made the year the novel came out, ten years earlier and still would look sub-par for its time. The edits are terrible, the B&W color balance is muddy, sound and visual effects awful. It's interesting to note that it was filmed by an Italian production company and filmed in Italy, even though the setting is LA. The film has only a couple American cars in it the rest are typical 60's Italian/European cars. When Neville pulls up to the lab in his Chevy, we see the only other American car, the Ford wagon that we later see in the dealership. In that shot what looks like a Fiat 500 passes by, these cars are shown again in a later shot at the fire pit.

Not that I know anything about this actor's other performances, but Vincent Price really hammed it up in this one. To make things worse, the vampires barely pose a threat. We learn that Dr. Morgan is immune to them, but also they are simply ineffective, the most passively lurking foes I've seen on screen. Morgan extinguishes these vampires by driving wooden steaks into them with the conviction and savagery that I might exhibit whilst trying to hang a picture frame without hammering my own thumb.

However even with the obvious faults of this movie, the plot is just too irresistible for me to simply dismiss the flick for entertainment purposes. I have an affinity towards any doomsday survivor plots, going back to when I used to watch the original Twilight Zone (1959) episodes. Similar to TZ, the movie addressed the theme of alienation and the "us and them" societal views from the both point of view of humans and the zombies. Even the most heavy handed acting and writing had me captivated simply because they deal in fantasy.

Another notable part of this film is that its the only retelling of I am Legend that remains true to the idea that being the survivor just isn't fun. As in the book, Morgan doesn't have time in the day to do anything but carve wooden steaks to kill off zombies or maintain his food supply. Between that and hauling the dead off in a station wagon to be burned, it's constant backbreaking labor. Meanwhile in the other two films, the survivor is able to indulge the audience's expectation of all the fun things you might be able to do after the apocalypse.

If the movie achieves anything, it serves as a great timepiece in the three part history of screen adaptations on I am Legend. Which brings us to our next film...

The Omega Man (1971)

Fig. 2: The last man to wear a hat that silly, at that angle, got everyone stranded on a three hour tour. This does not help Neville's image as a vampire vanquisher.

This movie opens with a similar sequence of shots as its predecessor, only with a stark contrast...and no I don't mean the quality-it's Charlton Heston, abruptly stopping his sweet ride du jour (a '68 Pontiac Catalina ) to abruptly whip out a machine gun and obliterate a foe through a window. Right from the onset the film establishes that Heston is not here to #$*! around and play handyman with some wooden stakes, and drive around in a jalopy station wagon.

Here are my notes:

-The vampires are back! Only they are funky zombies with sunglasses and big hair this time! And they are organized into a multi-cultural organization called "The Family". They are the victims of biochemical warfare between Russia, China and the US, instead of plague.

-The theater scene hints at this theme of war when it shows the Woodstock concert with the hippie who says"...if we can't all live together and be happy, if you have to be afraid to walk out in the street...what kind of a way is that to go through this life?" Nice touch.

-Why does Charlton Heston have silly looking costumes? I've only seen two of his sci-fi movies so far, this and Soylent Green, and in both he has had really silly costumes. In this movie, I'm referring to his ridiculous hat, which makes him look like Skipper's (from Gilligan's Island) long lost alcoholic brother. (see Fig. 1)

-(SPOILER ALERT) The way Neville dies is so unlikely, all he would have to do to avoid a harpoon thrown from a balcony is step to the side.

-The head zombie Matthias says "Neville can't see in the dark, anymore than we can see in the light." I beg to differ, the zombies aren't just blind but repelled entirely by light, wheras Neville can get by in the darkness.

-Why does the assistant head zombie use a gun to try and kill Neville? Isn't their whole organization against any technology?

-The Simpsons Halloween Special VIII had a short called "The Homega Man" which spoofed the movie. This is where I first learned of the movie, and what got me watching all three.

This movie was clearly more put together, the quality of the production is much greater than the first. It still has really dated corny elements, such as when one black zombie calls Neville a "honky."

I am Legend (2007)

Fig 3: Filming on location at Union Square was the least challenging, because hippies aren't awake to start the drum circle until the afternoon.

Unlike many movies filmed in famous cities, this movie separates itself from the others by offering an unsparing look at New York City. The shots of the city were so comprehensive and realistic, it was eerie. The film did not work around any of the more challenging locations (Times Square, the Flatiron district, the Brooklyn Bridge, Union Square, see: Fig 3), instead offering very convincing post-apocalyptic scenery. Its no surprise that I had seen the filming location before I had even heard of the movie when I was on the Manhattan Bridge on a Q train, and saw the lights and set at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge. (Apparently it cost $5 million to shoot there). Considering all of the overgrown flora, non-native fauna (deer, lions), and all the wrecked cars that were strewn all around, I'm not even sure how it was done, or what was real and what was CG. As for Will Smith, he was great in it, though the flashback scenes with his family felt a little too much like Independence Day or I, Robot all over again. I'm starting to get used to the idea that when the world ends, Will Smith will be the one to save me. Thankfully, the script did not have him spouting off impeccably timed corny one-liners. One major disadvantage of this movie that will retain fans of the old over the new, is it did not have the interesting rivalry of the different societies that is at the heart of the novel and the Last Man on Earth. We do not at any point see things from the zombie's point of view, they are simply mad writhing and screeching monsters. In the other two movies Neville is regarded as a powerful and threatening monster to the zombies/vampires, a legend among them. In this movie, the "legend" refers to the sacrifice Neville gave for uninfected survivors. Quite a contrast to the Omega man, where the zombies actually hold court on a tribune.

Here are some things that are consistent between movies:

-(I am Legend and Omega Man) Neville decorates his apartment with famous works of art that he's presumably stolen from local museums. In I am Legend we see artwork from the Modern Museum of Art. I love the implication that Neville would risk the outside and make it a priority to have these works.

- (All three) Neville uses a map of the city sectioned off to mark and make sure he's obliterated every last vampire/zombie.

- (All three) Vampires/zombies cannot handle the light, and Neville is immune to them (for different reasons in each)

-(All three, SPOILER ALERT) Neville dies in all three (though I am Legend has an alternate ending where he doesn't)

Watching these movies was a great opportunity to see how film has evolved over the years. Not only is the technology better, but the movies expect more of audiences in their ability to understand and draw conclusions from visual information, editing, and plot lines, and it works. I feel having sat through the first two adaptations, that I was able to enjoy I Am Legend much more had I not. The movie stands alone as a good film, but the context was the most enjoyable part of this experience.